A few days ago, huMAN released a new video where he talks about a topic that has been on my mind for a few months now.
Does it make sense to go into relationships even with the risk that they may not work out and we suffer emotionally? Or would we rather not even try for a relationship and live our balanced lives with ourselves without fear that someone else will hurt us?
I used to say that I don’t want to deal with relationships until I’m thirty-five. I may not have consciously resisted them, but subconsciously I probably did. It’s no coincidence that I’m single.
Stupid people learn from their mistakes. The wise learn from the mistakes of others.
I think I’m intelligent enough to avoid many mistakes. In fact, I am very good at discerning from my surroundings where the pitfalls lurk. When I look around me, I see a world in which people do not communicate with each other, isolate themselves from each other, in which family relationships, even those between spouses, are broken. Our divorce rate is rising and many are no longer even trying to marry or get married. When I look at society as a whole, I see a slow fall off a cliff.
Look at the world through my eyes. Why would I strive for a relationship when there is a huge chance that it won’t even start and even if I did manage to get married, there is about a 50% chance that we will divorce after a few years? For a long time, I had no desire to gamble with my life and dedicated myself to my work, hobbies and friends. You can find people like me, the overly rational ones who don’t want to take risks, in droves all over the world, and the numbers are growing all the time. We see that things don’t work out for others, so why should it work out for us? We almost think of it as winning the lottery.
I have some other qualities though as well. I think a lot about the world around me and about myself. I’ve realized that if I approach life this way, I’ll never truly live. I don’t mind risk in business, so why am I afraid of it in relationships? Because it’s more personal and failure hurts more? Or is it that I’m exposing myself to the world in all my nakedness?
It took me a while, but I figured out the same thing huMAN did. Each of us in our own way, but the result is the same. It’s useful to get the facts together and use them as a tool. Simply to know the world around us. However, just think of these facts as a book of some sort. A book that describes our world in as objective light as possible. Just like when you read a book, you already deal with the information in it subjectively. Everybody takes something different, their own takeaways, from the book and they apply it to their own subjective lives. This is the right way.
When I read a book like this now, I see that relationships are broken, but I also see the hope that I can create this microworld of myself with a woman who shares my values, and we can create a family in this hostile environment that will be fulfilling for both of us. See? I deal in facts, but I don’t follow them blindly. I transform them and adapt them to the needs of my life.
People are afraid to take risks. I guess it’s innate. Risk is unnatural, which is why there are still so few entrepreneurs compared to the rest of us. After all, why would anyone go into marriage, start a family, when they are potentially at risk of getting divorced one day, losing their house, and seeing their kids a few times a month?
Yes, it can happen, but I’ll show you my approach now. The most valuable thing I have is my head. I’m from a poor family and was not born with the silver spoon in my mouth. But I got a head that many can envy. I have a good brain. And over the years, I have also gained unique experiences that have made my knowledge assets even greater. So what do I have to lose if I should someday even get divorced? Money? Material things? Access to children?
Money has been and always will be there. With what’s in my head, I’ll earn it again. My knowledge and experience will not be taken from me by any court. Material things? As with money, they are secondary to me. I base my life on completely different values. And children? I believe that in all circumstances it makes sense to interact with people, even an ex-wife. I believe that there is always a way for both of them to find a compromise. And I would keep trying to find it until I do…
This is me. I’ve accepted risk as my alter ego and because of that, simply nothing throws me off. I will deal with things as they come and not be afraid of what may come one day. If I approached business with fear, I would never even start that business. I would always just wait for the next financial crisis to come and the time to start a business would be lost. However, I know that I can handle any situation that arises. I will adapt and figure something out, just like I always have.
However, I have risk-averse friends in my circle. They don’t want to take risks because they don’t see the reason. And yet they haven’t even gotten burned in the past, they haven’t had anything to get burned with. They just picked up that book of facts and they treat it like a bible. They live their lives happily in their shells and don’t want to change anything. From my point of view, they are just surviving, not living. They are not enjoying the life that they have been given as a gift.
I used to think that I would convince them not to be afraid of risk. It doesn’t really work, they don’t want to hear about it. But now I want to be more of a role model for them. They will see in me what they can gain if they fight for it, and maybe they will reconsider their attitude in time.
The world isn’t perfect, but let’s strive to create microworlds around us that are close to what we want out of life. I believe that this is the way to go and I will stick to it. Will you join me?